In this post, I’ll cover three approaches to dealing with conflict, on or off the mat.
One approach to conflict is to view it as an obstacle in your path. The attacker, problem, object, whatever is in your way — and the answer is to power through. This can build determination, grit, or resolve. It might take the form of aggressive action, or it might look like keeping your head down in silence — forcing yourself to move ahead despite your fears or misgivings. It is a common mode of problem solving in much of our culture. It is also not the main approach of aikido, at least not alone.
Another approach is to embrace the problem. Sometimes this gets interpreted as acceptance, and it is in a way: it means recognizing the problem for what it is, accepting an awareness of the state of things. It does not mean accepting as in ‘agreeing’ with the conflict. Often, when a problem no longer has an external target, the energy of the problem winds itself down. You can embrace the issue and still work to resolve it. With this approach, you relax and use your awareness to help you move through, around, and past the issue. Or, you may choose to try resolving the issue by redirecting or destabilizing it from within. This is a much less dominant form of problem solving, and for people rooted in the first mode (above) it may seem too abstract or even inefficient.
A third approach is to work beyond the apparent separation of self/other. This involves working around the ego; with no ego to be bruised, both of the above approaches become easier. Paradoxically, by removing your ego from the situation, you can actually become the center of the action, and everything else (sometimes physically) will revolve around you. While the first two approaches both involve movement, this approach involves stillness — even as you and the rest of the world keep moving.
In practice on the mat all of these apply, often simultaneously to differing degrees. The danger is getting stuck in one mode, trying to embrace everything, or push through everything, or let dualities collapse until action becomes impossible. And, if all that seems too philosophical and complex, I encourage you to come to class and keep practicing.